We all sometimes have days when insecurities rear their ugly heads, but for some people these come more often than others. Realistically, it’s impossible to rid yourself of ever feeling low again, but overcoming insecurities and changing your outlook on life can really help to ensure that these only become rare occurances and not ones which we have to live with on a regular basis.
It’s important to know that they only become a problem if you let them and if you bottle them up they will continue grow and fester. It’s not a sign of weakness to seek help if it all becomes a bit too much, in fact it takes a lot of courage to be able admit that there is a problem and to have the determination to do all that you can to beat it. Sometimes talking about these problems more openly can actually make you realise that you are not alone. It was only when I finally decided to open up to my friends and family about my struggles, that I found out that some of them had also been through similar struggles, some of which they have managed to overcome. The amount of support and helpful advice I recieved from them was unreal, but it really has been helping me a lot. Sometimes opening up can do you a whole world of good.
I am going to outline some examples of negative thoughts, ones which I have personally suffered from, and then I will show them in a different light, so that you too can turn negativity around.
Negativity, put into perspective.
1) “If I’m not perfect, then I am worthless and a failure”.
The Truth: Nobody can be perfect at everything they do in life. If you think that you are a failure for not being perfect , you are setting yourself up for a life of unhappiness. In reality people can still achieve good things and do well, without being perfect.
2) Not accepting the positive things that are said about you and only believing the bad things that people say.
The Truth: Those people who say nice things are actually telling the truth, cherish and accept them as compliments and believe in them. If someone says anything bad about you, remind yourself of all the nice things other people have said instead. Make humour of the things that you take offense to and don’t let yourself consider them insulting, because then they lose their power and meaning.
3) “So and so doesn’t like me, I therefore must be an unlikable person or have something wrong with me.”
The Truth: Not everyone is going to like or get along with everyone. Just because someone may not like you, it does not mean that you are an all round unlikable person, plenty of others might think the world of you. Think about all the nice people you have met and do not waste your time with those who are not worth it.
4) Jumping to negative conclusions. For example, “Someone is not giving me much attention or is not talking to me that much anymore, they must therefore be bored of me, not like me or are ignoring me”.
The Truth: These negative conclusions which we can come up with are usually false. In reality many negative interpretations are made without there being any definite facts to support them convincingly. Lets use the example that I have given and look at it from a different and perhaps more rational perspective. The friends who are not giving me attention might simply at that moment in time be distracted or engaged in something else, as the attention can never always be on the one same person. It does not mean that they are bored or do not like me, in fact, if I can think back to all the nice moments we have had together and all the nice things they have done for me, I can realise that actually there is more evidence to prove that they do like me. The paranoid thoughts were actually a negative interpretation of the situation at hand. It is therefore important to step back and think things through rationally from all perspectives and remember all the postive things which can proove the negative assumptions wrong.
5) “I am unhappy with the way that I look, I wish I looked like her/him”.
The Truth: There is nothing wrong with the way you look, it is who you are. Comparing yourself to others is pointless, as in reality you will never be them and they will never be you. Accept yourself, cherish all that is unique about you and distinguishes you from the crowds. We are all different and you are who you are, it is better to embrace that than to copy others. Not to mention the people who you compare yourself to probably have insecurities of their own, they might even have some major faults which you are unable to see. Love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.
Sometimes in order to experience less negative emotions we must change the way in which we see the world and how we interpret the things around us.Next time you have a negative thought, try and do what I have been doing recently and turn it around, try and look at it from another more positive perspective and then keep note of it in a notepad or in a diary even. I personally found it was good to create my own positive thinking diary for this all.
Also write down any achievements or positive attributes of yours which you can think of and then write out all the nice things people have said about you in the past. If someone says something nice to you during the day, when you go home, add it to the list. You will eventually see a big positive list of good things about yourself and hopefully you will start realise them.