Learning to accept my positive qualities and not to disregard my talents.

There are some days when my mind concerns itself with all that I am unable to do and fails to recognise all of my strengths.  However, recently I have been trying to focus more on the positives, because if I can accept my good qualities I can become a happier person and will not need validation in order to feel like I am good at something. Learning to reinforce positive statements about yourself can help you to finally realise them, which will help boost self-esteem.

This is one of my current goals, to be able to associate more positive qualities with myself, feel more comfortable in my abilities and to stop focusing on my weaknesses and rather, look at my strengths instead.

Sometimes I find it’s easier to try to note them all down. Even if you cannot think of many positive qualities, think back to all the compliments or praise you have received and write them down too. If someone says something nice or compliments you in the day, when you get home, write it down. You will eventually end up with a big list of good qualities about yourself, that is also what I am really trying to aim for at least.

 

 Some positive statement which I’ve currently managed to build up about myself:

• I’m a fun person who has a great personality and loves to laugh.
• I’m an easy-going person to talk to and I have many people who care about me.
• I can be quite passionate about issues that are important to me.
• I’m an intelligent person who gets good grades.
• I have the determination to overcome all my problems and make people proud.
• I have a nice pair of legs and my eyes are a pretty colour.
• Even though my drawing skills are far from being the next Van Gogh, if I put effort in they can still be quite good.
• I’m eccentric and full of some great and abstract ideas.
• I have a wild and vivid imagination.

Naturally there is still plenty of room for improvement as I need to accept a lot more positive aspects about me, but so far I am making a great start.  I just have to keep reminding myself of them, so that if low moods do hit, they will not cause my positive statements to all go out the window.

 

Embrace your talents.

Just remember everyone is unique and different and we all have different strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately we are more likely to over look other people’s weaknesses and notice their strengths more than our own.

 

So what if you can’t pick something up and lack skills in a certain area?

As long as you enjoy doing something, it should not matter as to how you compare to others, at the end of the day its your hobby, it’s for your enjoyment. Some people may be better than you at some things, but you could be better than them at other things.

After thinking things through, I have even told myself that maybe some people have an abundance of talents, but I could be more fun to be around and a nicer person, which sometimes can be better than any talent out there.

 

Sometimes you just need to enjoy your skills and avoid comparing them to others, otherwise you might start wrongly believing that you are lacking in talent. I have done this many times, for example I believed that my art work was terrible, just because in comparison to those better than me, mine didn’t really look that good. In reality there were a lot of people who I ended up being better more skilled in art than and through their eyes, they consider my work to be really good. A skill does not have to be as good as someone else’s to still be considered a good skill.

Besides even if you can’t do something, you are only human, you won’t be able do everything, but that’s fine, its normal.

Fight the negativity!

We all sometimes have days when insecurities rear their ugly heads, but for some people these come more often than others. Realistically, it’s impossible to rid yourself of ever feeling low again, but  overcoming insecurities and changing your outlook on life can really help to ensure that these only become rare occurances and not ones which we have to live with on a regular basis.

It’s important to know that they only become a problem if you let them and if you bottle them up they will  continue grow and fester. It’s not a sign of weakness to seek help if it all becomes a bit too much, in fact it takes a lot of courage to be able admit that there is a problem and to have the determination to do all that you can to beat it. Sometimes talking about these problems more openly can actually make you realise that you are not alone. It was only when I finally decided to open up to my friends and family about my struggles, that I found out that some of them had also been through similar struggles, some of which they have managed to overcome. The amount of support and helpful advice I recieved from them was unreal, but it really has been helping me a lot. Sometimes opening up can do you a whole world of good.

Open yourself up to the world, don’t keep things bottled up inside.

I am going to outline some examples of negative thoughts, ones which I have personally suffered from, and then I will show them in a different light, so that you too can turn negativity around.

Negativity, put into perspective.

1) “If I’m not perfect, then I am worthless and a failure”.

The Truth: Nobody can be perfect at everything they do in life. If you think that you are a failure for not being perfect , you are setting yourself up for a life of unhappiness. In reality people can still achieve good things and do well, without being perfect.

2) Not accepting the positive things that are said about you and only believing the bad things that people say.

The Truth: Those people who say nice things are actually telling the truth, cherish and accept them as compliments and believe in them. If someone says anything bad about you, remind yourself of all the nice things other people have said instead. Make humour of the things that you take offense to and don’t let yourself consider them insulting, because then they lose their power and meaning.

3) “So and so doesn’t like me, I therefore must be an unlikable person or have something wrong with me.”

The Truth: Not everyone is going to like or get along with everyone. Just because someone may not like you, it does not mean that you are an all round unlikable person, plenty of others might think the world of you. Think about all the nice people you have met and do not waste your time with those who are not worth it.

4) Jumping to negative conclusions. For example, “Someone is not giving me much attention or is not talking to me that much anymore, they must therefore be bored of me, not like me or are ignoring me”.

The Truth: These negative conclusions which we can come up with are usually false. In reality many negative interpretations are made without there being any definite facts to support them convincingly. Lets use the example that I have given and look at it from a different and perhaps more rational perspective. The friends who are not giving me attention might simply at that moment in time be distracted or engaged in something else, as the attention can never always be on the one same person. It does not mean that they are bored or do not like me, in fact, if I can think back to all the nice moments we have had together and all the nice things  they have done for me, I can realise that actually there is more evidence to prove that they do like me. The paranoid thoughts were actually a negative interpretation of the situation at hand. It is therefore important to step back and think things through rationally from all perspectives and remember all the postive things which can proove the negative assumptions wrong.

5) “I am unhappy with the way that I look, I wish I looked like her/him”.

The Truth: There is nothing wrong with the way you look, it is who you are. Comparing yourself to others is pointless, as in reality you will never be them and they will never be you. Accept yourself, cherish all that is unique about you and distinguishes you from the crowds. We are all different and you are who you are, it is better to embrace that than to copy others. Not to mention the people who you compare yourself to probably have insecurities of their own, they might even have some major faults which you are unable to see. Love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.

Sometimes in order to experience less negative emotions we must change the way in which we see the world and how we interpret the things around us.Next time you have a negative thought, try and do what I have been doing recently and turn it around, try and look at it from another more positive perspective and then keep note of it in a notepad or in a diary even. I personally found it was good to create my own positive thinking diary for this all.

Also write down any achievements or positive attributes of yours which you can think of and then write out all the nice things people have said about you in the past. If someone says something nice to you during the day, when you go home, add it to the list. You will eventually see a big positive list of good things about yourself and hopefully you will start realise them.

Introduction.

Hi, my name is Laura, I am a student in the UK, posting my first post in this blog, in which I hope to help people who have unresolved problems, low self steem or struggles with controlling emotion.

As someone who has been a victim of these herself and is going through recovery, I want to inspire people to also become determined to overcome their demons. Sharing any tips which have helped me to feel better in myself and just being able to reassure people that things really are okay, things can get better. They just need to believe in themselves and know that they are not alone in this.

I hope I can help put some things into perspective for others and be able to encourage more positive thinking. The more we allow negativity to grow, the more it will damage our esteem and hinder us in life, and the more likley it will be to erupt and cause any other future issues.

Change is possible. This is not about changing who you are, this is just about learning to overcome issues, be comfortable in your own skin and to not allow yourself to be a slave to your emotions.

If at any point, anyone would like to share their own experiences and the way in which they overcame them, please send me a message and I will post them on this blog too. They can provide people with further inspiration to work towards getting better and can help people to support a friend who is struggling with simular issues. It can show people that things can get better with dedication and time.